YOUR WEDDING DAY- lets actually make it about you.

You’re finally engaged to your human. Your family and friends are buzzing with excitement; Aunt Mildred goes misty-eyed regaling you with snippets from her own special day. Magazines, blogs, social media begin to bombard you with ways to make your wedding day ‘the most perfect day of your life’; then it hits you like a tonne of bricks, SHIT! How on God’s green planet are you going to deal with your sister’s brass neck, your father’s gross dislike of your mothers boyfriend, let alone your soon to be husbands crazy family dynamic. No family is perfect and I respect that uncle Herbert will say something inappropriate to the groom’s prudish Aunt Winnie and there really isn’t much we can do about it; however there are so many aspects that are within your control and it will be ok.

The options…

If you’re like me and the idea of a full wedding day fan fair gives you the fear and elopement is your preference, please embrace it. It is a brilliant decision and an intimate ceremony with a couple of witness, an epic photographer and maybe a quiet meal afterwards makes your day no less special. You have just chosen to take the circus out of your wedding day and make it entirely about you both. It is not selfish, disrespectful or anything of the like (despite what others may have the utter cheek to insinuate). Your choice to elope is the epitome of ‘your day’.

Now, if you’re all about seating charts, a castle, 5 bridesmaids, evening guests, a flower wall, a first dance, multiple epic photographers, groomsmen, ushers, flower girls, page boys, table arrangements, 4 tier cakes, table favours, 3 course meals with a vegetarian, gluten free, lactose free option aaannnddd the London symphony orchestra……. I am here for it. I love a celebration. I am here for your version of celebrating love. I love love. Let’s do it!

Let’s consider…

Going back to my original blog title, I can’t stress enough how important, no matter your idea of the perfect day, big or small, that you do you. It breaks my heart talking to my couples and hearing stories of families, siblings, in-laws divided over opposing views of what constitutes the correct wedding etiquette. The day is about you and your partner. Those that truly love and respect you both will be there to support your decisions.

I’ve put together a few things for you to consider as you embark on your wedding journey.

1. Grow a set. Ovaries, balls or the like…

You are allowed to say no. It is a very useful part of your vocabulary, particularly as family and friends come forward with ideas and expectations of what ‘your’ wedding day should be. Funnily enough you don’t have to wear your great great great grans wedding dress that every generation has worn for the last 100 years. It is YOUR wedding day. You also don’t have to invite your mums best friends daughter (whom you’ve met once) and her partner and their 6 kids.

I understand mums and dads often struggle to be told no by their children and because they’re often very proud of you, they seem to want every man and their dog to watch you walk down the aisle; but it is ok to decline. There is such a thing as an evening invite and I’m sure the length your mother will go to to describe the big day and how often she’ll tell it, her best friends daughter might just be thankful she didn’t have to sit sandwiched between the two of them.

2. Head count…

Following on from my previous point… YOU DON’T HAVE TO INVITE EVERYONNEEE!!! In particular, people you don’t know or haven’t had anything to do with for the last 3 years. If that human hasn’t so much as sent you a text, email or picked up the phone to you in 3 years, do they really care? Also, people who have never met you partner, they are a no. Depending on your preference, children are also allowed to be a no. In the case you aren’t keen on the cries of a screaming infant, please be sure to address your invite ONLY to the parents and/or pop a wee ‘sorry no kids’ at the bottom on the invites.

This group of ‘no’ is allowed to include cousins, aunts and family members. Often these family members have a bad habit of creeping out of the woodwork when they get wind of a wedding. They like a party, who doesn’t. But at £60 a plate, I think mental cousin Frank who lives in a tent at the bottom of his best pals garden, could possibly be offered an evening invite.

3. Bridesmaids and Groomsmen (pretty servants)

Unsurprisingly these glittering additions to your big day don’t in fact have to be related to you. Sadly the relationship I have with my own sister is quite fractured and hence she’s not someone I would feel overtly comfortable with helping me organise my wedding. However there is this stigma that your fiancés sister, sister in law or your own sister must be part of your bridal party. It is ok to pick your best friends who you know you’ll have a laugh with and will be there to help you pee in your giant meringue dress. Please know that how you feel about those that you’re ‘expected’ to pick, are likely feeling the same way. Your feelings about your relationship with them will not be one sided. Unless of course your brother in law is Alan from The Hangover, then I’m sorry, I can’t help.

4. Money, money, money!

My only words of advice here is to pick 3 things (photographer, venue, dress, flowers, guests) that are your greatest priorities. From there, disperse your remaining budget accordingly. Stick to your budget, you don’t need the first few months of your marriage shrouded in the cloud of wedding debt. Pinterest and old fashioned scrap booking are really useful tools for keeping your vision on track and your budget options in a visible format.

5. Your partner in crime…

If you truly want your wedding day to be about you two, include your prospective partner. Make them part of the planning chaos. Sit and laugh and grunt at each other as you decide who to invite and what meal to serve. While they may not necessarily be interested in floral arrangements and invitation colours, being part of and included in the process can bring you closer together and really help create a united front for when ‘those’ family moments arise. You’re in it together, why not start now.

I can only hope this blog has given you some food for thought. Stay strong, you’ve got this. Happy wedding planning.